life after stripping
Hi there, boho’s, thanks for your patience as I finally try to finish the novels this year and get them out to y’all. I ran into an old friend, who, no shade by the way, is still dancing and started in 2007. I’m not great at math, but that’s a long time. She never really left the club because she said she was too scared to “take the leap.” Then she asked how I managed to leave the club and stay gone. Because, as we all know, the club is just like a toxic relationship. The highs are the days you make bank, and the lows are when the club is dead. Neither has anything to do with your value or worth, but the industry can make you think that.
In this post, I’ll discuss how to plan your Exit Strategy, The Day You Quit, and most importantly, how to Avoid Going Back for good.
The Exit Strategy
If you've read my other blogs, I always emphasize that having a backup plan or another goal you’re working toward should be priority #1 in this industry. The club should always be a means to an end, not your passion or your full-time career. It is a job—not a career, even though some dancers will try to make you believe otherwise.
So, please find something you are passionate about or want to learn more about. I hold a college degree, a real estate license, and have completed online certifications in digital marketing, learned to build websites, and am a certified yoga instructor. The list can really go on, but those are all things that I did while I was dancing. Was it easy? No. Did I have to do some of these things hungover after a long shift? Yes. But there is a way to do it, and it’s called balance.
Exit strategies can come in various forms, but I’d always wait until something else was making me money (maybe not as much as in the club), but at least it was a start. Then, from there, I would try to earn more through other means (outside of the club) or significantly reduce my working hours at the club to the bare minimum while pursuing my other goals.
So, let’s say you’ve earned your real estate license; now what? Very similar to the club, go out and meet people, hold open houses, network, and see what you can find. It really isn’t that scary when you go out and try. And it’s nice because you have clothes on the entire time.
The Day You Actually Quit For Good
Now, most dancers will tell you that this day comes and goes. After one horrible shift, I swore I would never go back and tossed my dancer bag with all the heels and lingerie into a dumpster behind a grocery store. I returned to the club less than a year later. Once, I cursed out a manager and said I would never go back – that club renovated and went under other ownership, and I was right back there.
The day I actually quit was because I was too busy with other things, and the club just couldn’t take up that much of my time anymore.
So, stop the theatrics, you don’t need to tell anyone you are quitting unless they share money with you. You don’t need to proclaim at the club that you are never coming back or have some going-away party unless you are moving to another country. Seriously. I have seen all these things happen, and then the dancer came back within a few weeks.
When I finally quit for good, I don’t even remember if the shift was good or not. I had previously thrown away all my dancewear during earlier attempts to quit, such as the dumpster incident I mentioned earlier. This was a pointless effort and didn’t keep me from going back – I still had to buy new shoes and lingerie, which made it even more frustrating. I think I still have my dancer bag gathering dust in the back of my closet this time. Maybe I’ll pull it out for Halloween lol.
Avoid Going Back
Which brings me to my next big thing: how to avoid going back. There isn’t some magic formula like going no contact (with a club or management), telling everyone you quit, making some declaration on Facebook, asking someone to hold you accountable, or even having enough money that you won’t feel the urge. None of these things will help you not go back.
The kicker here is that, unfortunately for some, money is the deciding factor. But say you are working hard on your goal, making enough money, and start to move on with your life, yet the tug of the club still pulls at you and says, 'Just one more night.' You want to go on a vacation and have extra money, or you might be saving up for something else, and it would be so much easier to go in for one more night.
Easier said than done. For most dancers, the appeal lies in the nightlife, the attention from patrons, and even the whole process of preparing for work that makes the job worthwhile. And let’s revisit the second point— for many women, it’s nice to go somewhere where (most) men are there to pay, flatter you, and enjoy your company.
And if you've, like I have before, gotten rid of all your dance stuff, it might take a whole shift to earn enough money to buy it all back. But really, it’s the allure of the club, the addiction to the money and attention, and the sense of familiarity that keep dancers hooked. We are NOT addicted to the money because it’s unpredictable. We are addicted to the thrill of making or losing it. It’s like gambling but with your time, self-esteem, and dignity.
The hardest part about staying away is the illusion that one night won’t cause harm. But once back in the club, it feels familiar and easy. Why would I do anything else? Because you're forgetting these very important reasons you quit initially:
1. Your goal is more important
2. Men are pigs
3. The dead and slow nights
4. The blow to your self-esteem
5. Self-worth and commodity issues
6. Transactional Relationships
7. Verbal and sexual abuse
8. Gossip and manipulation by coworkers
9. Hangovers the next day
I really could go on about all the negative reasons the club is not a healthy working environment, and if you want more info on this and any lingering mental health issues after you quit, check out the post:
The Psychological Effects of Stripping
Life after stripping isn't as dull as I once thought. It just looks different, and the way I stayed out of the club was just about finding things I’m passionate about, that pay well, and that I enjoy, without having to be touched nude. It’s not like anyone will ask you about working in the club, unless you bring it up. Life after stripping, I don’t have as many hangovers from partying with a bunch of strangers. It’s for the most part more stable, but you can still party just this time with your friends and people who know you. It makes it way more fun, I promise.
Do I miss the club sometimes? Yes, but I miss the idealized version of the club that I have in my mind as a fantasy. Do I get flashbacks if I see it on TV? Of course, but those are manageable. And for me, I got tired of just doing the dance. I go back to visit, but mostly for other people’s birthdays or parties.
If you asked me to go back to work now, it would just be a novelty, and I would need to plan it months in advance. I barely have time to update this blog. Between writing, my other passions, and my career. And now I am at the age I wouldn’t even know how I’d make it through a night shift without a Snuggie. As always leave a comment or check our my other links below.
Love & glitter,
BW
If you’re thinking about quitting you can do it, and it’s possible but if you’re just burnt out see the other posts to help you on your journey here:
