Club Hack: The Bachelor Party

            Hi bohemians, welcome back! So now that wedding season is upon us, the club has probably seen an influx of you guessed it, bachelor parties. I know they are the absolute worse but if you can’t beat ‘em (or maybe you can) might as well join in and make some money. There are a couple different “types” of bachelor parties and I’ll go into that, as well as how to pick the best one to make the most money. I will also touch on how to end up dancing for the entire table and not wasting too much time getting sucked into their array of bullshit. Let’s get started!  

            I have narrowed it down to three different types of stereotypical bachelor parties

1.    The VIP

2.    The Frats

3.    The Cheapskates 

Now you may think that the obvious winner would be VIP but each one has it’s own characteristics and you can pick which one will match you as a dancer. I have danced for all three and while each has their pros and cons, once you have determined which kind of bachelor party it is you can use these tips to help you make more $.

            Bachelor parties are great because they are usually from out of town, they usually have money to blow and they are usually guys who don’t come into the club very often so you get the new factor. They are horrible because they are usually sloppy drunk, don’t know the rules, and just loud assholes in general. Don’t think you are going to get any kind of etiquette out of these tables. (Also, for the wives or fiancée’s reading this – trust me your to-be husband’s bachelor party is the absolute last lap that any dancer wants to be sitting in).

1.    The VIP Bachelor party – these guys have money. They have bought a bottle or maybe 3 or 4. They are looking for a great night with the boys. They usually have a VIP table and are willing to make it rain. While these guys may seem like the perfect clients, be warned – they are extremely picky and arrogant. They are also more into looking like VIPs than spending like VIP’s so don’t be blinded by the show-offs. I have experienced way too many times drinking with them and partying but they only buy a handful of dances and won’t pay you for your time. They usually want to proposition stuff for outside of the club and/or looking for drugs. Once these ideas come out it’s definitely time to leave. I would use this table for a couple dances, a few drinks and then circle back for a refill because despite their confidence they won’t be able to finish all the bottles they ordered. 

2.    The FRATS – this was probably my favorite type to dance for. They are middle class – they sit in the regular seats but buy a bucket of beer and one bottle. They don’t have a lot of money but usually one guy is buying for the entire table. In most cases, it is the “best man” that you want to make friends with. He is calling the shots and is the one who says “You have to dance for the groom!” He is throwing 20’s around and going up to stage picking out the girls he wants to see dance for the groom next. The rest of the table is usually game for a couple of dances each. Don’t order drinks with these guys – keep the money for dancing. Make a rotation and then move on. 

3.    The Cheapskates: This is probably my least favorite because they are the biggest assholes who aren’t spending any money. It was probably one guy who wanted to come and the rest got dragged along. They aren’t strip club guys they usually have some hang up against dancers. They are ordering per drink and aren’t tipping stage. They probably have the one guy without any money tipping measly and attempting to have a good time while the others just sit and stare. The groom isn’t into getting dances and neither is anyone else. They usually end up finally getting a couple dances from more unique dancers – the dominatrix, the gigantic boobs or the Baywatch type. Be aware that these guys are hard sells. If you don’t see more than one girl over there or don’t see any of them actually move – I wouldn’t even try. 

So now that we have narrowed it down to the types you should be looking for – how do you get them to buy more than one dance? It’s easy. Make friends with the best man and give the groom the best fucking dance of his life. Once his buddies see how much fun the groom had - one of them or all of them will scoop you up and you’ll be making a rotation of the entire table. Then it becomes – they all got a dance from the same super hot girl (or girls if you are working as a team) and they will have stories for years. That is the goal. You want them all to be able to share the same experience. And if you don’t hustle the best man who is usually the leader then it will be hard to convince anyone else. I would usually treat the best man like he is the actual best man. Then you can sit with him or one of the friends while the groom gets the rotation of girls on his lap. The groom is always the worse one to dance for – he’s just your advertisement for the rest. The groom wants a variety of girls for his “last night of freedom” so don’t think about hogging his lap. 

            The worst is when a bachelor party sits down and then the girls swarm right away. Don’t be a swarmer. They will dismiss you because they aren’t ready to spend yet. Try to time your stage rotation after they have started a few drinks and then get them to tip you. After you get off go over to them right away. You can finish your rotation at their table in about an hour if you’re efficient and then move on with your night. If you swarm them they won’t spend with you at all. It’s better to be new later, after they are already intoxicated. 

            Things to watch out for:

            As I mentioned above, you want to GTFO if they start talking about an after party or how to score drugs. Neither is a good idea. You don’t know them and they are not normal club goers so you will probably never see them again – no reason to take any risks. Also, once they start getting sloppy drunk, I can’t even. It’s hard enough to get them to spend sometimes and you don’t want to be there reminding them it was 5 dances when they can’t even string a sentence together. Ugh that is the worst. Even worse is if they have passed out, pissed on or thrown up on themselves – I have literally seen each one of those things happen. These guys are amateurs and you are the professional – don’t forget that. 

            Pretty straightforward approach to this wedding rite of passage. You don’t want it to end up like that movie the Hangover. Just keep your dances clean, keep moving around the table and don’t get into any lengthy conversations that they probably won’t remember the next day anyway. 

Love and glitter - BW